no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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