you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
