Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
