Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
