atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
