Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize