had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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