The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
