I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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