everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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