seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
