let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
