The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
