you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
