So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
