girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
