my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
