i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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