I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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