We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
