Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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