the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
