2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Randomize
