Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Semen is not good for contacts.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
