We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
