i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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