i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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