I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
