I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
