Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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