I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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