some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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