I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
