saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I won the penis lottery.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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