I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I want her autograph on my taint
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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