You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
