Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize