I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hate all girls vehemently.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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