I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
