I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize