When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
