Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
