My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
