I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I could make wine with my vomit
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize