sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
