Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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