Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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