So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Randomize
