You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
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