Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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