In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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