My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize