I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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