ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we're making bets on your personal life
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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