lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's never too late to be topless.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
