i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
