i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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