just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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