You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
