I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize