Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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