btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
