ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
