If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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