Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
