Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You pole danced in your parka.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize