Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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