So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
