There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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