I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
