Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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