mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
