Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
