im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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