every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Vodka?
Forever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
