Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
