He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
