I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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