I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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