The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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