I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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