NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
