i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
