I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
