I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
