then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
