Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
