bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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