Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
