So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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