meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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