My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
