I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
