remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
