my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
