Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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