out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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